Old friends

Last night I had a reunion with a couple of old friends. My friend Traci is visiting the state with her boys. Because she is so close and we haven't seen each other in 23 or so years, we made plans to get together. Our friend Cindy joined us for the same reason. Traci was going to Ocean Beach for movie night, so we all were meeting there.
When I arrived at the beach and called her I was actually on the boardwalk directly in front of her. She hasn't changed much over the years, she still looks great. The boys hit it off immediatly and were lost to the ocean. As we caught up on our lives, waiting for Cindy, it was like the years just melted away. I didn't realize how much I missed my friends. Cindy arrived a little while later with her son and he was summoned to the water by the four boys to play. Cindy looks just as she did in school, just a little older. I guess that happens to us after 20 or so years though.
The movie never happened due to a storm that came through. We moved the beach stuff to the snack shack area and waited out the storm. It wasn't a problem though. It didn't ruin anything, we just hung out inside while the boys played in and out of the rain. It was like we did this all of the time.  When the rain ended we were back on the beach, still talking. It was really one of the best times I have had with friends in a long time. Not that I havn't had good times with friends since high school, but really, not that many. Most of my fun times are with my husband and children. That is not a bad thing, but it really isn't a good thing either.
It was really and eye opener for me. I have been hurt by girlfriends in the past. People that I trusted with all my heart and soul who left my life, stabbed me in the back or just weren't who I thought they were as friends. Because of this, over the years I have closed myself off to opening up fully to others. I have become afraid to put myself out there to be hurt again. Last night reminded me of why I need to suck it up and put myself out there. I miss that closeness that I had with my girlfriends in school and at other times. I shouldn't let a few bad apples ruin it.
I know that my husband enjoys sharing everything with me, but I hope he understands that sometimes it is nice to spend girl time with someone. It is something I do rarely, mostly with my friend Sharon. Spending time with my friends last night was something that I really needed in my life. They don't realize it but they may have just changed my life. Today I am looking at where I am, where I am going, and most importantly, who I am. I need to stop living in fear of things, especially of failure and pain. Today I need to start living again for the things I love too, not just the things that make others happy.